Ever since I can remember I have been consumed with how my body looks, especially as it compares to other women. Not other girls/women my height, my build, or my ethnicity even (because there IS a difference!), I just compared my body to other women because, clearly, I'm a woman. That is no longer. It's funny how a girl can try every diet shake, diet book, diet group, even diet magazines and maybe lose weight but definitely gain it back and, often times, add on a few she found stashed in the bottom of the cookie jar.
Finally, in my early thirties I have discovered what works for ME: a 5'7", always-gon'-be-bigger, Black girl. Since turning thirty it seems I have gradually made peace with myself, peace with what is, peace with the healthy body God has blessed me with. This change of heart takes time, but when it does it is as though the heavens have opened up and poured a warm, thirst-quenching rain down on a desert land. I know, it happened to me at the end of last November. It's an experience I wish for every woman who has yet to love her body for what it is/does/can do/has done/will do.
This does not mean I've accepted my current weight, which I deem unhealthy for the long haul - and I'm not referring to that BMI business either. I have a healthy goal in mind for my body - a weight at which I once maintained and felt healthy, strong, and capable. It's not a particular jean size because I cannot control how my body reshapes itself through my vegetarian diet and exercise, especially since my body has produced two children. Things just aren't the same after one baby, but two?!
I once blogged about "The Kind Diet" by Alicia Silverstone, in which she shared her healthier diet by being kind to all living things. Well I have my own version of a kind diet that is simply being kind to myself and it has worked, so far, better than every diet I've ever attempted put together. It takes practice and I find the need to get my mind off the negative and back on track to being kind to myself because bad mouthing my body is what I'm used to, but I am a work in progress. Aren't we all? So here's what this looks like:
1. I drink mostly water throughout the day and eat mostly fruits/vegetables - I've cut way back on sugary treats and energy-zapping carbs.
2. This time around I try hard to have my set-backs and just let them be yesterday's set-back. No beating myself up about it because it's done. Tomorrow is a new day and I make sure to be extra vigilant about a healthy breakfast and even more water. I am not cruel to my kids when they aren't "perfect", so why would I mistreat myself because I had or did something that wasn't conducive to reaching my goal?
3. Write down what I eat daily (this one is tedious for me, but helps!)
4. Eat lighter during the day and a bit heavier in the evening because I hate going to bed hungry!
5. Exercise - doing whatever I'm inclined to do (Wii Fit, zumba, a DVD, a walk, etc.)
6. Weigh myself daily - which doesn't sound all that kind, but it keeps the focus where it needs to be, which is doing the kind things listed in #'s 1-5
7. Take my daily multivitamin and the other supplements I deem necessary - this includes one you may not have heard of, CLA, check it out, it's helping me reach my goal naturally.
8. Tell people who are close to me about my specific goals - these are people who encourage me. My daughter is my biggest cheerleader :)
9. Pay attention to how I feel when I'm eating. I hate that stuffed feeling, so I eat until I'm comfortably full.
10. I pray and have prayed about my goal because I can be kind until the cows come home, but if God doesn't set things in order in my body I won't lose a single pound or gain an ounce of muscle, period.
I didn't get this way overnight and I'm surely not going to change it in that amount of time, but I'm willing to make this commitment to myself because, well, I'm worth it!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Dressing our little lady
Almost 10 years ago I gave birth to a big ol' 8 pound 6 ounce baby girl. Fast-forward to January 2011 and you would find the same little girl standing at 5 feet 3 inches, all legs, and somehow still allowing me to call her my baby.
Jay has been the resident fashionista since she was a year and a half old, clomping around in her grandmothers' heels - my Nikes simply weren't her style - and playing dress-up like she was a glamour girl in her past life. When she was just a little thing it was easy to dress her: clothes aren't typically too revealing or too hoochified when a girl is just a toddler. We didn't allow bikinis, but aside from swimwear, clothes were very safe.
As she's gotten older, even last school year, it was still okay to put her in shirts that were styled for little girls. But when your child is the size of a petite woman, it's hard to see her dressed like a giant kindergartner. I now fully understand what my Mom went through as I got older.
I'm not the mom who will allow her daughter to dress any kind of way. She is expected to present herself respectfully and that includes how she dresses. When a 9 year old has legs for days, skirts have to be chosen carefully. When she has a little bit of 'body' going on, things can't hug her little curves the way Beyonce's clothing might - after all, Beyonce is grown and capable of responding appropriately to inappropriate male attention. Male attention is to be thwarted at all costs when your child is 9...heck, til she's at least 18 ;) But I digress.
Fortunately this "tween" concept has become popular and a few stores, like Kohl's and Justice, seem to have taken to selling clothes that help a girl feel her age without looking any older than she is. These clothes are not cheap, mind you, but there is a thin line between cute "tween" and sexy grown and I work hard to find it. At the same time, she can even wear something from the "tween" area and because she has curves, it can look a little too much.
Jay loves fashion and loves even more that she can now FIT her grandmothers' heels (to play in!), but the last thing I want is for my beautiful daughter to have any negative effects that can come with sprouting up so quickly. So somehow her father and I have to make sure she looks like the little lady she truly is...no matter the cost.
Jay has been the resident fashionista since she was a year and a half old, clomping around in her grandmothers' heels - my Nikes simply weren't her style - and playing dress-up like she was a glamour girl in her past life. When she was just a little thing it was easy to dress her: clothes aren't typically too revealing or too hoochified when a girl is just a toddler. We didn't allow bikinis, but aside from swimwear, clothes were very safe.
As she's gotten older, even last school year, it was still okay to put her in shirts that were styled for little girls. But when your child is the size of a petite woman, it's hard to see her dressed like a giant kindergartner. I now fully understand what my Mom went through as I got older.
I'm not the mom who will allow her daughter to dress any kind of way. She is expected to present herself respectfully and that includes how she dresses. When a 9 year old has legs for days, skirts have to be chosen carefully. When she has a little bit of 'body' going on, things can't hug her little curves the way Beyonce's clothing might - after all, Beyonce is grown and capable of responding appropriately to inappropriate male attention. Male attention is to be thwarted at all costs when your child is 9...heck, til she's at least 18 ;) But I digress.
Fortunately this "tween" concept has become popular and a few stores, like Kohl's and Justice, seem to have taken to selling clothes that help a girl feel her age without looking any older than she is. These clothes are not cheap, mind you, but there is a thin line between cute "tween" and sexy grown and I work hard to find it. At the same time, she can even wear something from the "tween" area and because she has curves, it can look a little too much.
Jay loves fashion and loves even more that she can now FIT her grandmothers' heels (to play in!), but the last thing I want is for my beautiful daughter to have any negative effects that can come with sprouting up so quickly. So somehow her father and I have to make sure she looks like the little lady she truly is...no matter the cost.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Mommy Friends: Take 2
In my first blog I wrote an entry on Mommy Friends and their importance in my life. Motherhood is an ever-changing, ever-evolving world that seems to shift just when you think you have it figured out. I've decided that this very fact is why women typically out-live men: we don't need Scrabble to keep our brains going, we've got KIDS. And although there are plenty of dads filling the primary caregiver role, it is still primarily a role played by moms.
These days my Mommy Friends and I don't talk much about potty training or getting our babies to sleep through the night, I had Mommy Friends in that world with me at that point in motherhood, but I have different needs now - as I'm sure most mommies do as the kids grow up. And the best thing about Mommy Friends is that they don't ever just fill one function. If you're a mom you know how versatile you have to be, so you learn different skills along the way. This makes Mommy Friends gems because we all have so much to offer each other.
Lately I'm finding the homemaker in me is being awakened. When my kids were little I didn't have the time or the patience to do little home projects, let alone figure out how to do them! A Mommy Friend from the baby days told me how easy it was to paint, but I knew that was too much for me at that time and, maybe even more importantly, we couldn't afford anything extra - and back then, painting was definitely extra. But now I have a Mommy Friend who, among other things, is quite handy! I talked about wanting to paint rooms in our house and she didn't let me just talk, she guided me through the process and even loaned me some of what I needed to get the playroom painted. No, painting is not rocket science, but for someone who has never done such a project, by herself, from start to finish, there was definitely a need for Painting 101 for this Mommy.
This same Mommy Friend coached me in hanging curtains - again, not rocket science - but if the curtains don't stay on the wall, "Houston, we have a problem". I procrastinated on both projects - I was slow to choose a color to paint the room, I walked past the curtains I thought would look really nice for at least a month - but when I was ready to tackle the projects, my Mommy Friend was there!
I have another Mommy Friend I can talk to about a-n-y-thing. And I do mean anything. When Babe is in earshot he often asks, "What do women TALK about?!?" As if our conversation is just way TMI. This Mommy Friend and I talk about everything from sex to our own physical reminders of carrying human beings inside of our bodies to race relations to what Nene said on the latest " Real Housewives of Atlanta". Some days it can get downright childish, but every Mom needs a friend she can talk about everything with. Whether topics are very serious and could offend the other or if you just want to laugh and feel like a girl - not a wife or mother.
Lately I have found yet another Mommy Friend who has proven to be a big support. We happened to be talking about weight-loss and she mentioned her goals, I mentioned mine, and the vehicle she was using to reach her goal. From there she's helped me by sharing her 'tools' for weight loss and has texted me throughout the week to find out how I'm doing - probably to make sure I'm not laying up under the kitchen table in need of nourishment, but more likely to support me in this thing.
In my early motherhood years, I had a friend who, like me, talked often about losing weight. We never really did anything about it because neither of us was ready. But like I said before, when you meet a new challenge in your life, a new Mommy Friend might be just what you need to succeed. This time I'm ready to lose the weight and not only is my new Mommy Friend supporting me, but we are getting this thing done one stubborn pound at a time. I am so thankful for her and do my best to support her as much as I feel she is supporting me.
Motherhood is the hardest job I'll ever take on, but with women in my life who know what I'm going through, been where I've been, and have the know-how to make it all a little easier, this job isn't as daunting as it can seem. This is a not a sprint, but a marathon, and these girls are here to cheer me on - they are my cheerleaders and I am theirs!
These days my Mommy Friends and I don't talk much about potty training or getting our babies to sleep through the night, I had Mommy Friends in that world with me at that point in motherhood, but I have different needs now - as I'm sure most mommies do as the kids grow up. And the best thing about Mommy Friends is that they don't ever just fill one function. If you're a mom you know how versatile you have to be, so you learn different skills along the way. This makes Mommy Friends gems because we all have so much to offer each other.
Lately I'm finding the homemaker in me is being awakened. When my kids were little I didn't have the time or the patience to do little home projects, let alone figure out how to do them! A Mommy Friend from the baby days told me how easy it was to paint, but I knew that was too much for me at that time and, maybe even more importantly, we couldn't afford anything extra - and back then, painting was definitely extra. But now I have a Mommy Friend who, among other things, is quite handy! I talked about wanting to paint rooms in our house and she didn't let me just talk, she guided me through the process and even loaned me some of what I needed to get the playroom painted. No, painting is not rocket science, but for someone who has never done such a project, by herself, from start to finish, there was definitely a need for Painting 101 for this Mommy.
This same Mommy Friend coached me in hanging curtains - again, not rocket science - but if the curtains don't stay on the wall, "Houston, we have a problem". I procrastinated on both projects - I was slow to choose a color to paint the room, I walked past the curtains I thought would look really nice for at least a month - but when I was ready to tackle the projects, my Mommy Friend was there!
I have another Mommy Friend I can talk to about a-n-y-thing. And I do mean anything. When Babe is in earshot he often asks, "What do women TALK about?!?" As if our conversation is just way TMI. This Mommy Friend and I talk about everything from sex to our own physical reminders of carrying human beings inside of our bodies to race relations to what Nene said on the latest " Real Housewives of Atlanta". Some days it can get downright childish, but every Mom needs a friend she can talk about everything with. Whether topics are very serious and could offend the other or if you just want to laugh and feel like a girl - not a wife or mother.
Lately I have found yet another Mommy Friend who has proven to be a big support. We happened to be talking about weight-loss and she mentioned her goals, I mentioned mine, and the vehicle she was using to reach her goal. From there she's helped me by sharing her 'tools' for weight loss and has texted me throughout the week to find out how I'm doing - probably to make sure I'm not laying up under the kitchen table in need of nourishment, but more likely to support me in this thing.
In my early motherhood years, I had a friend who, like me, talked often about losing weight. We never really did anything about it because neither of us was ready. But like I said before, when you meet a new challenge in your life, a new Mommy Friend might be just what you need to succeed. This time I'm ready to lose the weight and not only is my new Mommy Friend supporting me, but we are getting this thing done one stubborn pound at a time. I am so thankful for her and do my best to support her as much as I feel she is supporting me.
Motherhood is the hardest job I'll ever take on, but with women in my life who know what I'm going through, been where I've been, and have the know-how to make it all a little easier, this job isn't as daunting as it can seem. This is a not a sprint, but a marathon, and these girls are here to cheer me on - they are my cheerleaders and I am theirs!
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